It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here. My focus has been elsewhere as the priorities and demands of my time have shifted a bit. However, we are now a few days before Christmas and I find myself thinking more and more about how to see the good during the holidays.
The holiday season can be a tricky time for many people. In essence, it is a celebration of the birth of Jesus and a time to enjoy the blessings of family and traditions. However, it can be a time of sorrow and loss for many as well. This year, in particular, has been interrupted by tragedy from violence in schools to unimaginable loss from deadly tornados. I think of friends who are spending their first Christmas without a loved one’s presence and friends who are going through another annual reminder of who they are missing.
So how do those who are struggling this time of year find a way to see good during the holidays? I wish I had a comforting and concrete answer. I wish I could take away their pain and loss, especially at this time of celebration. The only thing I can offer is a reminder of all the extraordinary blessings, acts of kindness and moments of joy that are unique to this time of year. Maybe choosing to see the good in some of these things can make this time of year a little less about pain and loss and a little more about joy and appreciation.
See good in the kindness of strangers
Something special happens to people’s attitudes during the months of November and December. I love to see the good in the kindness of strangers and the general increase of smiles and happy greetings. I notice store clerks and customers extending extra wishes for “happy holidays” and to “have a good day”. People that you pass by seem to smile more and take the time to say hello or strike up a casual conversation while waiting. Is this always the case? Certainly not. There are also people who are in a rush, stressed by holiday busyness and low on patience. However, the kindness of strangers does abound during the holidays if we choose to see it.
One of my favorite things to do is to strike up conversations with strangers while doing errands. I have had some of the best interactions with fellow shoppers while waiting in line or strolling through the aisles. It only takes a minute to look someone in the eye and share a smile, a greeting, a laugh, a compliment or a comment about the day. That small gesture usually leads to a shared conversation that, while brief, can bring unexpected joy and connectedness to both of your days.
I find that during the holidays, especially, people are more kind to one another. It might be the holiday music playing in stores that lifts their mood or the task of shopping for gifts or planning a family meal that changes the mindset of strangers. Look around you and notice the kindness of strangers. Find joy in witnessing the way people treat each other and focus on seeing that goodness.
See good in the stillness
See the good in the stillness of the holidays. While to-do lists and busyness of holiday events can be overwhelming at this time of year, be sure to take time to enjoy the stillness and quiet moments when you can catch them. For those to whom the holidays represent sadness and loss, moments of stillness can be especially challenging. It is in moments of stillness that thoughts can linger of what is missing. However, these times of quiet can also be a time of reflection and counting our blessings.
The holiday season seems especially conducive to moments of stillness. Some of my favorite times are the quiet of the evening when everyone else has gone to bed and I am alone with the glow of the Christmas tree. I also love sipping my morning coffee while looking out at the blanket of fresh snow. These moments when I am along with my thoughts are precious to me. I’ve learning to appreciate these quiet times. I consciously make an effort not to look at my phone or move onto the next thing, but rather to just be still. I let my thoughts wander and try to use that time to pray, count my blessings and just enjoy the calm. There is something special about this season that beckons us to be still and spend a few minutes restoring our soul.
See the good in time with family
Whether the people you love are close by, far away, new in your life or absent, the holidays are synonymous with family. It is so important to cherish and see the good in time spent with family. This is a time of year when work schedules, school schedules and life-demands all take a break to allow the returning home and gathering of friends and family.
In my stage of life with a son off at college for the first time, Christmas is extra special for us because we get to have him home. We also have special traditions with both sides of our family that involve spending time together and enjoying each other’s company. I love that our culture recognizes this need for time off to celebrate and to be together. I know many people whose version of “family” is different than traditional thoughts and I love that. People invite neighbors and co-workers over who don’t have extended family around. Friends expand their circle to include those who don’t have a family to go home to. And, I see so many who make the effort to bury the hatchet and hurt feelings over this time of year because of the importance of family time.
The pause of life over the holidays is a gift. These moments are special and, as anyone who has lost a loved one can tell you, they can be fleeting. We need to enjoy them while we can and make the most of this season to see the good in time with family.
See the good in blessing others
We’ve all heard that joy is in the giving rather than receiving, but when was that last time that you truly experienced that? During this holiday season we all have people that we usually buy gifts for and so many things that we give that are expected. But what about the unexpected? This is a great time of year to see the good in blessing others.
This year as I went about checking off my to-dos and buying gifts for those on my list, I started thinking about some different people in my life that I wanted to bless. I thought about the check-out guy at Target who I’ve gotten to know as a regular customer and the joy that I have in our brief conversations during my errands. I thought about my hairdresser who has listened to my stories for years and shared so many laughs and questions about life with me. I thought about the UPS delivery guy who is always ready to throw a fetch and share a treat with our dog when he comes to deliver a package. I also thought about the many charities and campaigns to help those in need over the holidays and who have so much less than I. These thoughts lead me to bless these people with gifts and cards this Christmas. And do you know what? The joy that I felt by blessing others is some of the most fun that I’ve had this season.
The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each other’s burdens, easing each other’s loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of the holidays.
W. C. Jones
There is so much good to see in blessing others. Bestowing an unexpected gift to someone fills you with joy and helps you think beyond yourself and your circumstances. The look of surprise, the note of appreciation and the hug of thanks are gifts that give back tenfold. This season, whether you are enjoying every moment or struggling thought the days, try blessing someone else and I think you will see the good in their joy and your own.
See the good in celebrating Jesus’s birth
Finally, and most importantly, we can see good during the holidays by celebrating Jesus’s birth. This is the reason for the season and should be the focus of our joy this time of year. Our culture has, in many ways, taken over the holiday season with material things. While many of the traditions we practice bring great joy, like baking cookies, exchanging gifts, attending concerts, play and parties, we should not forget to bring our thoughts back what we are really celebrating. We celebrate the birth of our savior with songs of praise and worship. We gather in church to recall the story and miracle of the birth of a baby that would change the world. If you are having trouble finding the good this holiday season, take time to see the good in celebrating Jesus’s birth.
In all your gathering and laughing and remembering and missing, my hope is that you can choose to turn your thoughts to see the good during the holidays. There is joy in the kindness of strangers, in moments of stillness, in time with family and in blessing others. Most of all, there is joy in celebrating the birth of Jesus and the life-altering peace that he brings.
Merry Christmas!
Further reading on finding good during the holidays:
Click here to find a great podcast from one of my favorites, Kelly Corrigan. Here she interviews author Anna Quindlen in part 2 of her 3 part series titled, “Holidays for Regular People”.
Click here to read some tips on enjoying the holidays from Johns Hopkins Medicine.